Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Rest.

I have found myself unable to write this until now. My mom passed away on Thursday, July 22, at 10:37 in the morning, surrounded by her family from both sides of the veil.
 I am humbled and full of gratitude for the opportunity I had to take care of her for the last month of her life. It was difficult and unbearable at times but, mostly, it was a sweet and precious time I would not change.
My sister was here for the last week to help. Together we cared for her, fed her, encouraged her to drink, read to her, sang to her (she begged me to stop!), laughed at things that probably should not have been laughed at, bathed her, held her hand and kissed her goodnight, told her how much we loved her. We were there when she had the stroke, when she begged for someone to call her home. It wasn't time. From that point on we cared for her minute by minute.


Her sisters came on Tuesday, with my cousins, the day after she had the stroke. She knew they were there- patting their faces and calling their names. They are strong, loving women who had already lost two sisters and now they were losing a third. It was a bittersweet reunion. They are leaving to go home today and I'm not sure they will ever fully understand what their being here has meant to me. I love each of them with all of my heart.
On Mom's last night, Dayna and I both slept in her room on palettes we made on the floor. I was on one side of my mother's bed and held her hand until I fell asleep. Her breathing was hard and labored- every breath difficult to take. We got up in the morning, fixed her room back for company, moving beds out and chairs in and listened as her breathing had become more rhythmic, less labored. My aunts came and I left to take a shower, only to be called back by my sister saying that Mom kept stopping breathing.
Dad, with his stethoscope on, listening to her heart. My aunt holding her wrist feeling for her pulse. Compressions. Breathe. Compressions. Breathe. Dad, stop. I cradled her head, leaned over and whispered, "Fly. Mom, just fly. "
She did.

Thank you just does not seem enough to say to each of you for your prayers and thoughtful comments. You have lifted and encouraged me to be brave as I took this portion of my mother's journey with her.
I am grateful.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Drop by Drop


My mother has had a stroke
and yet she carries on.
Time.
Time.
Time.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Where I Go For Respite.

For the past two weeks my life has been a whirlwind of family visiting, being a nurse, being a daughter, a wife, a mother, an employee and a friend. I don't get much time on the computer any more but, when I do, these are the places I go to find peace, creativity, inspiration, a laugh and the soothing of my soul.
I don't always comment, but I am there and I am grateful.

Here they are, in no particular order. :)

The Feathered Nest

Tongue in Cheek

Posie Gets Cozy

Pleasant Home

Main Street Memories

Letters From a Hill Farm

One Still Frame

Thimbleanna

The Beehive Cottage

Sugar Pie Farmhouse

Dottie Angel

Pam Kitty Morning

Fiona and Twig

Ha! It took me two days to get this list together.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Party Tarty

That's what my mom called me when I suggested that she might need a breathing treatment today. When I told her that, yes, please, I would like a party tarty, especially one made with jam, she gave me what can only be referred to as "the evil eye."
Some things never change.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Serve.

Mosiah 2:17 And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God. -  The Book of Mormon

This is my favorite passage of scripture, it speaks to the very heart of me. It is hope. It is truth. It is what I do. It is the gift I give to my mom as she travels the last few steps from this life to the next.
It doesn't make it any easier though.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Care

Thank you for the lovely comments about my soap box family album. You are very kind, all of you. :)

This is a little update on my mother. She is now under in-home hospice care. We are a bit overwhelmed at the rapid decline she has experienced, but she is in very good, caring hands. Just not all the time.
My brothers and sisters are coming to spend time with her, travelling from all over the country. I'm glad.
Please forgive me if I don't post for a while. I've been trying to make things as light as possible here but, right now, things are not light. Instead, things are full of giving medications, breathing treatments and oxygen, coaxing her to eat, helping her to the bathroom, making her laugh, being patient when she gets frustrated and angry, helping her live.
It's hard.