Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Rest.

I have found myself unable to write this until now. My mom passed away on Thursday, July 22, at 10:37 in the morning, surrounded by her family from both sides of the veil.
 I am humbled and full of gratitude for the opportunity I had to take care of her for the last month of her life. It was difficult and unbearable at times but, mostly, it was a sweet and precious time I would not change.
My sister was here for the last week to help. Together we cared for her, fed her, encouraged her to drink, read to her, sang to her (she begged me to stop!), laughed at things that probably should not have been laughed at, bathed her, held her hand and kissed her goodnight, told her how much we loved her. We were there when she had the stroke, when she begged for someone to call her home. It wasn't time. From that point on we cared for her minute by minute.


Her sisters came on Tuesday, with my cousins, the day after she had the stroke. She knew they were there- patting their faces and calling their names. They are strong, loving women who had already lost two sisters and now they were losing a third. It was a bittersweet reunion. They are leaving to go home today and I'm not sure they will ever fully understand what their being here has meant to me. I love each of them with all of my heart.
On Mom's last night, Dayna and I both slept in her room on palettes we made on the floor. I was on one side of my mother's bed and held her hand until I fell asleep. Her breathing was hard and labored- every breath difficult to take. We got up in the morning, fixed her room back for company, moving beds out and chairs in and listened as her breathing had become more rhythmic, less labored. My aunts came and I left to take a shower, only to be called back by my sister saying that Mom kept stopping breathing.
Dad, with his stethoscope on, listening to her heart. My aunt holding her wrist feeling for her pulse. Compressions. Breathe. Compressions. Breathe. Dad, stop. I cradled her head, leaned over and whispered, "Fly. Mom, just fly. "
She did.

Thank you just does not seem enough to say to each of you for your prayers and thoughtful comments. You have lifted and encouraged me to be brave as I took this portion of my mother's journey with her.
I am grateful.

13 comments:

Whimsey Creations said...

What a beautiful picture of your mom - thanks so much for sharing that. I'm so glad you were able to be with her and tell her to fly. You know you've been in my prayers and will continue to be. Big hugs to you.

Colleen - the AmAzINg Mrs. B said...

I am here with a heavy heart for you- but with joy for your Mom to be in the Heaven she deserves. Your last days as you described them are beautiful and your words mean so much to us all. Bless you, my sweet sweet friend and may the blessings of God be with you and yours..

monix said...

My condolences to you and all of your family, Karin. May you all find peace now, as she surely has.
Maureen

Thimbleanna said...

Oh Karin. I had a sinking feeling after your last post -- there's something about strokes and three days. You describe your last few months with such tenderness and compassion, your mother must have been an amazing woman. And she raised an amazing daughter. I hope you can all find some measure of comfort now as you miss the heart of your home. XOXO with very big Hugs.

The Feathered Nest said...

Dear precious girl, I am so, so very sorry for the loss of your dear mother Karin, which truly is Heaven's gain ~ her body is now renewed in Him...sending you hugs, comfort and love dear Karin,
Dawn

Tilda said...

I don't even know what words to comfort you with Karin. Your story, so mirrors mine with my mother 8 months ago. I know well your thoughts, anxiety, joys, hurts, and utter sadness. Your last words to your mother are sheer beauty.
She saw the other side and went to it.
I am wrapping my arms around you with love, as you did me almost 2 years ago and we stood and cried together. My heart breaks for you, but I am happy for your last month. Difficult? Yes. But what a gift.
in my fondest or thoughts and regard, (also to Dayla) Tilda

Fete et Fleur said...

I feel a huge lump in my throat as I type this. I'm so sorry . . . your Mother was a blessed woman to have so many wonderful and caring family members around her. Blessing and comfort to you dear, Karin.

Nancy

Amy said...

I am so sorry for your loss, Karin. That is a beautiful photo of you mom. As hard as it has been for you, I am glad that you were able to be by her side during this time, treasuring each moment with her.

Diva Kreszl said...

I am holding you in my prayers dear one, losing a mother is so difficult. having had a similar experience with my own mother 13 years ago I understand each moment. give yourself time and space to grieve, and do so at your own pace. soon the memories of her final moments will fade and the fun times will surface.

Nan said...

Dear, dear Karin, you wrote so beautifully, so lovingly about this time. I am struck by how much you look like your mother. Love to you.

Cathy ~ Tadpoles and Teacups said...

Oh, Karin, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Cathy

Amy Ellen said...

I am so sorry for your loss... I can understand it so well as I lost my Grandmother who was like a mother to me as well in May. How blessed that you were able to be with you Mom.. I was not as fortunate. I missed her by just a few minutes.

Be Blessed
Amy Ellen

Cathy Cobblestone said...

Karin - I'm ashamed to say that I have just now read this. Bless your heart - and Dayna too. What a beautiful post. I've never gone through anything like this - but I felt your pain and love as I read this. You were there for her - both of you - that's all you could do and she loved you for it. She is flying - what a beautiful way to think of it. Your angel. God bless you and your family.