Yesterday, on a rainy, cold Monday, I took Bentley for his last ride. We went to the vet, where he was given a shot that let him drift into an endless sleep.
Bentley had cancer, and not wanting to see him suffer, we chose to end his life. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make.
I stayed with him in his final moments, stroking his head and whispering to him how much I loved him. He was my shadow for so long, that I can still sense him nearby.
The house feels emptier today. I miss him laying under the table in the family room, standing beside me waiting for a bit of my breakfast, lying at my feet while I sew. His presence is everywhere and no where.
My heart is broken in a place I did not know I had. It hurts terribly and I hope that one day I will be able to think about him without crying, or wishing I could bring him back.
I am taking comfort in the fact that he, a creature of his Heavenly Father, is in a special place with Him. I have always thought that pets, when they die, wait for their owners. I hope that is true, because I cannot imagine an eternity without his companionship. I wanted to stay in the room with him forever, not wanting to let go yet knowing that it had to be.
As I said goodbye, I left him with a kiss and a whisper, "Wait for me, okay?"
I know he will.